Poisoned and Tossed aside

My bouts with insomnia are growing. Yesterday—or rather, this morning at around 1:55—I felt tired enough to sleep. I knew the exact time because I was reading my Kindle ("Civilized to Death: The Price of Progress" by Christopher Ryan). Just as I tiredly closed my eyes, in the silence of the morning, I could hear roaches moving about in my room. The small tap-tap-tap noise they make as they scurry across the floor is familiar. I mostly let them be. Today, however, one roamed by my bed's headboard. I could hear it crawling by. Irritated, I tried to ignore it, but a moment later, I heard the flutter of its tiny wings as it flew towards my door.

I lost it. I knew that some innocent creature like that could be left alone, but not today. Sleep-deprived and bleary-eyed, I quickly turned the lights on in my room. I remembered having an old bug spray somewhere in the room. As I caught sight of the spray, I heard a faint rustle of plastic by the door and knew that the roach was there. I walked over and saw it, minding its own business. In a sleepless rage, I sprayed the poison over the unsuspecting creature. It started moving frantically as the poison took effect. There's something to say about these insecticides—I use Baygon, which doesn't instantly kill its target but takes time, up to hours, to do the job. I think that's to make sure the poison doesn't affect us "humans". I knew that wherever the roach went, it would suffer through the rest of the morning. I felt a slight remorse for having killed it just because I couldn't sleep.

I tried sleeping again, yet a few minutes later, half-asleep, I could hear the same tap-tap-tap coming from another side of the room. This couldn't be the earlier victim, but I could ignore it as it was on the other side of the room. I forcefully kept my eyes shut. A minute or two later, I was jolted out of my sleep state—one roach was crawling by my leg. Throwing off the blanket, I went on a rageful pursuit, frantically turning on the lights, and with the spray in hand, I searched for another victim. I found three within a minute and sprayed them all. Energy rushed back into my body, leaving me unable to sleep. I kept a light on and lay awake through the morning, listening to the faint movement of the poisoned bodies twitching as I switched from one thought to another, lost and unable to force myself to sleep. Tired and defeated, I wondered what truly separates me from those creatures.

I woke up late in the morning, tired and restless, to find two of the four poisoned creatures still twitching. I swept them up and tossed them in the garbage—poisoned and tossed aside just like that.