Wise on the Weekends : My Confession and Reading Tim Ferriss

Yesterday, Friday, was like many other Fridays I've spent in the past: meeting with friends, hanging out. Meeting with friends isn't bad on its own; after all, we need our individual groups, our own community, and for that companionship, I am grateful to every one of my friends, who I can count on at all times. This isn't about them, however. It's about what I have been doing and feeling on my own. My lifestyle, as it seems to me now, has taken a stale turn. I hope to make changes but come full circle within the very week of trying to enforce those changes. The good thing, if any, that has come out of almost half a decade of debauchery is that I have been able to balance my academic life fairly well, occasional dropping out of colleges and failing a few classes included. Other than that, I am on the cusp of writing a thesis for my Masters in English Literature, procrastinating as usual. This loop of life has been going on for long enough, and I have decided it is time to take charge and make changes here and there. 

Currently, I'm unemployed. I teach tuition to two students and make 10,000 Nepali rupees per month. I'm happy for the income, but that surely isn't enough for all the things I want to do. I need to focus on making changes in that area as well. I left my previous job more than a year ago, and if you're familiar with Nepali society, you know it's easy if your folks can keep you fed for a year. That kind of did it for me as well. Approaching 30 and still making a meager amount of money certainly doesn't help. On top of that, my weekend habits have a way of encroaching into my regular weekdays as well. For now, I stay at home all day and read, then in the evening, I teach my classes, and after them, go on a walk to meet with my aforementioned circle. It can be pictured in such an ideal way that you would think I'm enjoying a retired life. That's also been mentioned to me a couple of times, but let me make it clear that I do not feel the ease of days if that is what retirement means. I, just like you, feel the burden of the days that pass, and at times, it becomes too great a burden to carry along. I haven't had the guts to drop it or even the possibility that it can be dropped.

Today, here I am, letting go of the fear and the guilt that has been building up through the only means I know possible: writing. I will now build upon the ruins of my past a good present, one that I can feel at ease with. Truly knowing where you are to stand in this cosmos is an absurd idea. With that absurdity, I have dreaded days upon days, and the past waste now haunts me well. To live with dread and loathing had been my prerogative, but no longer will I let it stop me from doing the one act that can unburden me from those millennia-old terrors: create.

My confession for today ends here, and as the title suggests, I am trying to wise up on the weekends. This weekend, I'm beginning with "Tools of Titans" by Tim Ferriss. I will update you on how it goes as I read along. My unburdening is to take place for days and years ahead, and I believe continuous learning can be a means to achieve that.

P.S. I am glad to be able to share my words for unknown eyes as a means to tell you that there is magic in this world. It shows in moments like this, where I can speak into the vast unknown and somewhere, sometimes, someone is listening. This one is for the ones that are.

Amazon : 
 https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Titans-Billionaires-World-Class-Performers/dp/1328683788