The Battle Within: Choosing a Mindful Life

 I have tried many ways, and for many days, to change myself. The best tool I thought I had at my disposal for that was my thinking—my thought process. Seeing as how I still don't feel like a changed man, I know that way of trying to change isn't working. I have been studying our Hindu philosophy, and another way has appeared—a mindful way, or rather the way of awareness.

I have been practicing meditation as a hobby for a long time now, and as with most hobbies, I lose interest at times, while at other times I am immersed in it. Some of that experience has rubbed off well. To make it work for the betterment of myself and everything around me, however, I need to turn it into a ritual of sorts. The psychological battle between different choices in our lives does not come all at once; they arise one day at a time, just as the sun can only shine for a day at a time. This battle of choices that I have tried to fight rationally, thoughtfully, and repressively has only caused more and more anxiety and stress. These anxieties and stresses then build over time into my way of being, leaving me miserable. To tackle that, I am now approaching it from a mindful way. Being fully aware of the experience I am having right now would be the best way to choose whether or not I am taking the right path. I am certain that with this method, I will attain certain necessary and natural changes to my being. These changes, which are good for me, might also mean that certain aspects of my life will have to renew themselves as well. Certain other aspects are likely to feel hurt. I am moving ahead now with the conviction that this life I have is my responsibility, and bringing it to fruition is also my responsibility. I cannot hold it against anyone or anything, and I will not let them be held against me anymore.

It is a wonderful August morning here in Kathmandu. The skies are clear, and the mountains are probably showing (I haven't been on the roof). This has been a wonderful start to what will obviously be a wonderful day. Till next time.

"The Monk by the Sea" by Caspar David Friedrich