The Discipline of Redemption: A Journey from Regret to Resolve
My chief aim right now is to make discipline a part of my life. I have had many opportunities in the past to improve myself, but I failed to seize most of them. Out of ignorance toward what attracts me the most, I have let too many moments and days pass idly by, spending most of my time regretting the transgressions of my past. To change that and find a new way of living, I am certain that discipline must be incorporated into both action and thought.
For the action part, most of my days are now spent in the pursuit of creative fulfillment, primarily through writing. I also want to make a habit of working toward fulfilling those creative instincts. For the thoughtful part, I must filter out and unlearn the negative ideas that I have harbored for decades. Only with the right thoughts can I prompt the right actions.
My dissatisfaction has always stemmed from my inability to do the things I judge to be right. This is the way of ignorance: knowing the right path but still debasing myself or becoming habituated to all the wrong things. That has to stop, and it is not going to be an easy battle to win. But if there is a fight that must be fought in my life, this is it.
Among countless other moments I've had in the past, today (8/17/2024) is one where I can clearly see the right choice to make. Deluding myself by saying, "just one last time" or "you can always change later," is not an option. I must consciously strive to better myself, not with the aim of gaining fame, praise, or material wealth, but with the vision of improving upon the miseries I face daily.
I am still unable to fully express what torments me, but I now understand that both the tortured and the torturer exist within me, by no fault of their own but by the very nature of this life. To reach a place where I can find joy, I must let the battle rage on and daily choose which side my spirit belongs to and what its salvation will be.
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